Can't believe its been another week!

Wow! It has been another week. I am trying to remember what even happened. Isn't that sad!
Monday, the kids and I went to the library to find some Elmo books for Abram. Amy didn't need me to watch him Monday or Tuesday because her mom had off and he was spending the day with Grandma and sleeping over.
I honestly don't really remember Tuesday or Wednesday. I know it was hot and it was supposed to storm Wednesday. It didn't even rain, though it did cool down for Thursday.
I guess I was in a sleep walking phase, bless the kids hearts that I don't remember the week.
Thursday we had Abram over. We went to the park since it was cooler. We took a picnic. It was really fun. When it was Abram's naptime, we headed home. While he rested, the kids and I made cards for Baby Javan and Baby Nathan. We had a good time doing that. Cutting out stuff and glueing. When Abram woke, we went outside and spent the rest of the evening there. Friday Chris had off, so he took the kids out for breakfast at McDonalds and they got to also play in the play area with him. Then they went to Target. They let me sleep in. They came back around 11 and we grabbed our grocery list and hit Aldi's before running those groceries home and hitting Cici's for lunch. We then hit Rays, and Walmart for the rest. We were home in time for supper and decided to watch a movie. It was a nice day.
Saturday, the kids and I went to East Hills library, because they had a Disney princess movie on hold for Hannah. When we got there, the animal shelter was there having a animal story time and were trying to get people to adopt their puppies. You can only imagine Nathan. A little black lab was really excited to see him. It broke our heart. Chris and I said it was time to see if we could get into a house. We are going to talk with our landlord tomorrow about if she has any for sale that maybe we could rent to own.
That brings us to today.
I write with more seriousness because it is. We were headed to the Coker baby shower after church. Chris didn't have to work until 11, so we hit the 8. It started with a video clip that Paul showed for communion thought about coming home for supper. About how in the older days, kids had to wash up before coming to supper and when they were ready to leave the table, they asked to be excused. That it was kind of the same during communion. We come to be washed up and when we are finished communing, we ask God to be excused. His answer is always yes.
Well, then Rodney proceeded into his sermon series about the basics of faith.
Now I pause here because lately I have been struggling with my self idenity; partially because of the upcoming change in our lives with the kids going to school and partially because of a hard visit to my past. Anyways, it dawned on me during the service that this year is my 20th spiritual birthday. Rodney gave an example about how it is normal for a baby to not be able to walk, talk, or feed itself and that it makes messes in its pants. Same goes for a baby christian. (minus the messy pants) Instead, they still make messes in their lives. But as we grow, we mature. A mature 5 year old can walk, talk, feed himself, and no longer makes messes in its pants. If a 5 year old still acts like a baby, then there is a serious problem.
That got me to thinking. He was asking us where we were in our christian walk and our maturity. I had to admit that I wasn't acting like a 20 year old in the faith. That I had a serious problem. I was closer to a 1st grader or something. In some ways, maybe even a preschooler.
As I was thinking, the closing song was "I surrender all". I knew I couldn't sing that and mean it unless I went forward.
During the second verse, I squeezed Chris' hand and said, " I have to go." and headed to Rodney. He said, "what is going on?" By this time, I was crying so hard, I could barely talk. I said, " I turned 20 this year and I am not 20. I am so tired of pretending." It was all I had to say. He knew my heart. He is so awesome at that. He said, "Maybe the reason for this sermon was so that you would realize that He still wants you." After he spoke to the church, so many people from the church came forward and told me that they had been there. That they loved me and that God would prove to be faithful to me. It was so awesome.
Rodney asked the church to hold me accountable for taking the next steps. I plan on starting tomorrow. I have to spend time with God every morning, asking Him to help me grow.
I don't want to be where I am.
My sister Heidi wrote me too, and said that she could see the growing time coming. I am just so overwhelmed at how blessed I am. I was so blinded in my self absorption, that I couldn't see what was around me.
It is hard for me to admit failure and to do it in front of 250 people is even more so. I thought I was going to fall over, I was shaking so badly, but God is faithful. I needed to remember that He is and that there are some amazing people in the body.
Anyways, so pray that I can continue to turn daily towards God and that He will get me through this. I knew it was coming. I just didn't realize how much and how far I had gone. I had done such a good job of covering that I even bought it myself.
After church, we went home and packed Chris' lunch before heading to Kansas City for the shower. We got to Chris and Cindy's and headed to Pizza Hut for lunch. After some visiting, we headed back to their house for a little while; long enough for them to change and sit for a couple minutes. Then off to the shower. It was 102, and so it was nice to be inside, but still hot. a lot of people were there to celebrate with them. I would guess at least 30. And they got some really nice stuff. They have everything they need, except a carseat and they got a lot of gift cards, so I have a feeling they are covered there. Baby Nathan is due August 21st, so only a couple more weeks.
We loaded down Chris' car and the kids and I took Cindy back to their house. We unloaded the stuff and sat down to drink some koolaid. After a little while, they had to head off to youth group stuff, and so we headed home. Ran by Long Johns for supper and then home. Abram came over to bring stuff over for tomorrow. He is sharing pizza rolls for lunch tomorrow. Nathan read him a book and then everyone headed to bed.
I hope this finds everyone doing well. I am sorry it was so long. Hopefully now that my heart is right, maybe my head will follow. (Ha, ha...)
Oh, by the way, I do remember that Tuesday I visited with my sister, Karen. She went to Nicaragua on a mission trip. She told me a couple of stories. I am anxious to hear about how God worked with her. We checked out the website to see pictures. I am amazed at how God works. You can check out her trip at the following website: radiomissiontrip.com
She made some strong connections that will last forever. I am excited to see her this weekend.
Well, I need to stop and head to bed.
I love you all and am so thankful for those of you who keep up with us on here.
Will write again and not so long from now.