As I struggled today not to be in a complete state of depression, I thought about my current situation. We picked up the kids Sunday at the concert and enjoyed bringing them home. When we got here, they said it was like Home makeover, since they had yet to see their new rooms. That was kind of fun. They were really thrilled that the house was nice and both said that it made them feel like "They belonged here". We spent monday going over some new rules, unloading the car and just hanging out together. Yesterday we had to do some regular chores and back to normal things and by today, the attitude from them was one of either, "we wish we were in school already", or "we wish we were still at Grandmas". All the special planning to do fun stuff these next 2 weeks together look "boring" to them. And it crushed my heart and my spirit. As I shuffled through tears all day long, realizing that they didn't want to have anything to do with me and my "neat ideas", my heart ached in pain. My own children didn't want to have anything to do with me. And that is when it hit me. I am getting a taste of my own medicine.
I am a child of God. How many days to I think His ideas are "neat"? How many days do I want to just "hang" with Him? Or would I rather do something else with someone else?
That made me even more sad. How much my heart was breaking was only a small amount to the pain I make God suffer everyday with my selfish motives and thoughts and plans.
As I try to muster my disappointment again, I am going to try to chew on that thought and I just wanted to share it with you all.
4 comments:
ohh, what a great way to reflect on a not so fun feeling/situation. These things are hard, but I'm proud of you for facing it, and thankful that God revealed something to you today! Hang in there! (I'll pray God reveals something to the kids too ;) )
BTW, I received a couple text messages over the weekend, and I'm fairly certain they're from you. Thank you!! I'm sorry I didn't call you back (I don't have a text feature on my phone)....we'll keep you posted when we go into real labor!
Love,
Heidi :)
Angel,
This is so hard, but i am glad God is teaching you something in the middle of a very tough time. Thanks for sharing these thoughts, they got me thinking tonight as well.
Angel, thanks for being so transparent. I think we are so full of "happy plastic people" that Casting Crowns sings about that having friends that are "real" is very refreshing! I need to think on the things you are learning to. Love, Kim
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way- but at the same time I really appreciate you sharing this because it is something I needed to hear as well. I love you so much and I hope things get better before the kids start school! You're always in our prayers!
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